Last weekend a real estate executive shared an enriching story with me. So, his CEO left a vague voicemail to a few executives…and this mysterious communique had no detail beyond “There are some things I’d like to discuss; call me back soon.”

The fun part came when these executives, one-by-one, called my buddy and asked, panic-stricken, “Did you get this voicemail too? Oh crap, what’d we do?!” Yes, three separate individuals approached him with a near-identical response. It turns out, nobody did anything wrong…she was just collecting input on how they should transition in a new team member.

“Isn’t that interesting? Why did they respond this way?” We mused. Historically, the CEO had only made impromptu calls to underlings when something was wrong, or she needed something “ASAP!” Like Pavlovian dogs, the executives had become conditioned to experience a gut-level response associated with a stimulus.

What a powerful lesson! Whether you’re ringing a bell or leaving a voicemail: You condition people how to respond to you.

Now, in some ways that’s a “Duh,” but the implications loom large. Tiny patterns within our historical exchanges—patterns we might not even be aware of—reverberate in the present moment. They can cause teammates to experience major anxiety or stop listening before you even start talking.

The conditioning can happen in numerous contexts. Particularly if you’ve been working with someone for a long time… certain actions or even tones of voice can form deeply-held emotional associations.

For example, I belonged to a college organization whose President had a knack for calling me at exactly my worst moments. He seemed to have a radar, calling after every intense period of personal Pete busy-ness and minimal organizational progress. I would see his name on my phone and think, “Of course, NOW is when he calls to check-in.” He would open with pleasantries, but I always ignored them, knowing there was an unpleasant call-to-task following the “So, how’s it going?” Knowing this, I began ignoring his phone calls…merely responding with an email two days later with the stuff he needed. Not a very healthy communication pattern!

Another friend’s underlings recently informed her that she has a noteworthy vocal tone. The tone crops up only in certain follow-up conversations. The voice sounds friendly…but they’ve grown to associate a distinct, “If this isn’t done, I’m going to choke somebody” meaning to it. When they hear it, they realize “she really means it this time” and upwardly-prioritize her request.

To help uncover any potentially hidden conditioning, try asking yourself—or your teammates—these questions:

• Do I inquire about my people’s progress regularly—or only when I suspect they’re behind?
• Do I regularly offer feedback to develop my teammates—or only when intervening action is needed?
• Do I ask for opinions and input frequently—or only when something seems like it’s going awry?
• Do I deliver positive feedback on a stand-alone basis—or only as a precursor or “sandwich” to unpleasant feedback?

With a little conditioning introspection, your teammates may salivate in joyous expectation upon receiving your voicemails. OK, not likely, but at least you can keep them listening and prevent them from recoiling in voicemail terror.

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