Perfect Candor: A better kind of “PC”
As Illinois kicks off the primary season with its election today, I observe my fellow Illinoisans exercising an extra bit of caution in their regular conversations—careful not to offend anybody amidst the elevated political chatter in the air. This tip-toeing reminds me of a childhood game I played at the dinner table with my word-loving family.
Around election time, we would joke around, highlighting any potentially offensive word someone said and asking, “Is that PC?” (Politically Correct.) Verbal transformations ensued. “Short” became “vertically challenged.” “Fat” became “robust.”
From this silly ritual grew a mindset of being choosy with words. Similarly, it’s often helpful for folks to employ a degree of choosy-ness by practicing a version of PC with their teams. This PC refers to “Perfect Candor.” I describe Perfect Candor to audiences as a complete disclosure of your thoughts on an issue with a complete respect for the individual who brought it up. (Some readers might note this sounds similar to a few of the principles in Getting to Yes, but in a different context. Very astute of you ; )
Often teammates over- or under-communicate their viewpoints in meetings. Sometimes they hate an idea, and their expression of that concern comes across as an indictment of the idea-generator. Others might shy away from speaking at all, or couch their language so heavily that no one knows how they really feel. In either scenario, the team loses. Whether someone feels dissed or remains silent, the team’s engagement and/or decision quality will suffer.
But, it’s possible to pull a John Mayer and say what you need to say (eight times in a row if need be)…without making people feel dumb. To help separate people from issues, take a gander at the following 2 x 2. It illustrates differing responses to someone who says something “wrong.”
Note: While the diagram highlights word choices, body language and vocal tone are just as important.
A little practice with Perfect Candor and an awareness of who you’re being on the 2 x 2 can go a long way to ensure that people are heard—and never mind hearing each other.
Which square do you think most people fall into?
That actually sounds like a very fun game! I can’t stand being Politically Correct, but this kind of PC sounds good!
I would hope that I fall into the Perfectly Candid square most of the time, although with family I’d probably just blurt out what I was thinking and be overly blunt…oops!
Right on, Pete. Candor includes caring. We choose a direct and honest message and deliver it in a way that respects all views.
Thanks guys for these great thoughts! JP, I’d assert that most folks fall into “Silent Type” either through fear or because they think their opinion isn’t particularly relevant.
Malori, keep on keeping it real!
Steve, great perspective. What points on the Team Clock do you think are most/least prone to Perfect Candor?